Looking Back by Belva Plain

Author:Belva Plain
Language: eng
Format: mobi
ISBN: 9780307421937
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2001-08-06T05:00:00+00:00

“All’s well that ends well,” Larry said.

She had been waiting for him to say it, in fact she would have taken a bet that he would say it. No matter how slight the misfortune, he always did.

Supper was over, the evening news had come and gone; the usual suitable comment on the news had been spoken by Larry and heard by Amanda; both back and front doors had been locked and checked, so now nothing remained to end another day but bed.

“How about a bowl of ice cream for a change before we go up?” he suggested.

She wanted to tell him that he was getting too fat, but he resented being told it, and anyway, she was in no state of mind to argue. Besides, to be fair, he was really not getting all that fat; it was just that he had a pudgy build, heavy bones that made him look too broad. Suddenly she recalled that once she had thought, or talked herself into thinking, that this was “manly.” Oh, but how her taste had changed! And regarding him now, she felt sorry, sorry for him and—sorry about everything.

“How about it, honey? Strawberry, chocolate, or what?”

“You choose.”

“Strawberry. I’ll get it.”

“No, you sit there.” She gave him a benign smile. “You worked all day.”

“Right! I did. And you had the whole day off. Enjoyed yourself, I hope?”

Already past the kitchen door, she pretended she had not heard. The panic was coming back, and it was a terrible, terrible thing. What if she were, in some passing situation, to lose control? What if she were to get sick and become delirious, or else perhaps need an operation sometime. They said people talk under anesthesia. Or was that not true?

“What’s wrong with the ice cream?” Larry asked.

She had not been aware that the spoon was still lying untouched on her dish. “Wrong? No, nothing. I’m just not hungry. My stomach—I stopped at Stuffy’s for a hot dog. It must have upset me.”

Larry frowned. “How often do I have to tell you to see a doctor and stop neglecting yourself? You have too many stomachaches and headaches for someone your age. You’re always telling me you need tea and aspirin or something before we go to bed. You’re sick too often. What’s wrong with you?”

This time he was really impatient. And seeing him so, she knew she must placate him.

“I’m sure it’s nothing much,” she said cheerfully. “You do exaggerate so, Larry. But I’ll do something about it, only because I want you to be satisfied.”

Thus mollified, he went to bed without making any demands on her, for which she was thankful. She could not have borne it tonight.

My God! His father!

If I could only tell somebody, she thought, lying awake. And she wondered whether L.B. was also lying awake in the same panic, with the same need to tell somebody. But most probably he was not. L.B. was strong.

The room was white with moonlight; unkind to Larry, it exposed his thinning hair and his open mouth, from which there came a rhythmical, gentle snore.

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